How come Gordy couldn't stop feeling this way?
He thought long and hard on the balcony out on the patio if it would hurt if he fell from there. Jumped even. They weren't that high up. Probably wouldn't do too much damage..
He wanted to take a bath, but what if he just decided to drown in the tub. Kind of felt warm and inviting. God, he hated thinking this stuff.
He notice Jane's picture then by his bed. He wondered what she'd think if she knew he was thinking this right now. He wanted to tell her he didn't want to ponder these things. It just wasn't right.
Gordy went to the kitchen to make a peanut butter sandwich. He couldn't find the peanut butter. So he reached for the slab of cracker barrel sharp cheddar and a butcher knife. He looked at the knife then, grimacing.
He put it down. He thought of the pain of slicing his finger open. A chill ran through him. He put the cheese away. His stomach was growling.
Finally, he went to the peanut-butter without even thinking where it was. He just had it in his hand. He got out the white bread then, and a nice fat butter knife to slide on the creamy peanut butter. But he looked at it. Imagining he might choke. What if he choked? He squinted hard then and tossed the sandwich in the garbage.
It was this horrible limbo between panic attacks and the drugged out feeling that he really wanted it to happen.
Finally, he dipped his finger in the peanut-butter jar and licked it from his finger. He went to the fridge, got out the milk jug and drank from it.
Gordy had decided what to do. He got his cell out and hit Serena's number. Of course, she had her voice mail on.
"Hey, how's it going? Didn't know if you heard, Bella tied the knot. Yeap, she got herself hitched. It might have been my doing. See, I called up the dude she's so in love with. Told him to come up here and get her. But you know something, I doubt he's going anywhere with her. A lot like me, not going anywhere. I guess you wish I would stop calling. Bye." He put his phone away then. Turned on the TV and channel surfed into a daze of oblivion.