Thursday, August 6, 2009

can't hide this feeling

Gordy wasn't so sure if he wanted to talk to his mom and about his father or not. As it was he was on her roof cleaning out the gutters. He didn't tell Rachel he was going, or she would have been there making him a nervous wreck. She was home protecting herself and the girls from germs.

He remembered when he used to love to do this for his mom. That was when he loved climbing on everything at the playground, and she was used to him not getting hurt. She said he should have joined the circus then. Now, it was a bit unsettling. He decided to get a new ladder just for these kind of things. It wasn't like her old wooden one that he could feel swaying when he got on it and she held on to the bottom. He was getting heavier and she was getting lighter. So he had a new kind that hooked on to the house which was spring and sturdy action. He was on his way to getting the job done in no time. Afterwards, he promised he'd do it more often when they were standing in the back yard.

"How's your summer been?" Really, he didn't spend as much time with her as he should, but she was partly to blame because she kept insisting that he didn't have to come over. They'd invited her over plenty, but she wouldn't come over.

"You know, nothing much." She shrugged.

"Aren't you going to go on a vacation?"

"No need too." She sighed.

"Maybe you're depressed, Mom, and don't know it." He was serious though when he said it. "I just keep wondering if you're doing OK. You are still young, but I don't remember you ever having friends."

"I like staying home when I'm not working." She was always serious. Never a smile.

"I know." Not a thing had changed about her. He wondered now if it was his grandfather's doing that he'd turned out so normal. He couldn't remember a time when they did that much together. "I just wish you'd come over and see the girls, you know."

"I don't want to see that other kid, I just want to see Jane." She finally admitted.

"That is Lucy, Mom, Rachel's daughter." Gordy glared at her for sometime. "You have a problem with Rachel, don't you?"

She swelled up as if she might say something he didn't want to hear.

"We're having a baby." He sighed. "God, I swear, its your fault, isn't it? You didn't want my Dad around, did you?"

"He was there in the beginning," she admitted, hugging herself as he watched the blond hair fall slowly from her ponytail on top of her head. "I thought he was going to, you know, leave them, and then he didn't, and I swore then I would never have nothing to do with him. We didn't need him. I didn't ever want to have that feeling again. All right."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to have that feeling now." Gordy hadn't meant to be bitter. But the more he thought about her and how she was. She wanted to stop having feelings about everything. Evidently.

He was full of feelings at the moment, and he thought he best leave before he shared one.


diane said...

She should be on the top of the guest list for Parker and Kat's engagement party. With the mix of people there, and the joy of the occasion, she might just remember what life is all about. xo

ellie said...

That was so sad for Gordy about how his Mom is about everything. I hope something good can happen for her.

the oaks said...

I'm glad Gordy is concerned about her. I hope they can talk it out.

simon n josh said...

I hope Gordy will know what to do with his Mom. I hope she can be friends with Rachel.