Monday, January 24, 2011
quietly you go
Kat let the small things float around her instead of being reminded of the one thing that had been amputated from of her life. The life with someone else. Parker.
She was beginning to think she'd never breathe correctly, again. This harsh sorrow took her down when ever it wanted. But she kept popping up as if she could take the blow. Yet, she wasn't sure of that. Really.
Parker wanted to name the baby Zed, or Rufus. Something strange. Of course, she thought he was just teasing her for the most part. "Don't you let him be a Junior." His words made her smile and then her eyes would grow sad. He didn't mean that. She wanted to name him Parker Jr. But like he wanted ..she was stuck with Sam.
She didn't care. It didn't matter. He would be Parker. That was the only name for him, as far as she was concerned. And he was what got her by through the day. This was why she was here. But in two more weeks she'd be back to her job at the school. It was best to keep on going. Yet as the days grew thin, she didn't want to be anywhere but here, in her bedroom with the baby.
In those times, she did her best to think of her husband. How it was. Not how it happened. Not how she last saw him. That was not him. It was not. She had to forget that part. Why did everyone have to remind her the cause of his departure?
Her head ached from the tears and perhaps she would possibly dry up and float away. But then he'd awake her in the middle of the night. When she least expected it. Her husband was right here. He was still in her heart. He was. Oh, she believed it. But then he'd go away. It was like that. Coming in..like the morning light. Then fading quick like darkness. Just quietness. The long silence of life.
She held on to the sleeping infant now. She heard voices. It was just her daughter on her cell. Yes, Bella could hardly stand it, being here. Alone with her. She got that. Kat put the baby in the crib. She got back in bed and hugged her pillow. How much would she need of this restless rest before she got back on her feet?
A part of her drifted off to sleep.
But then she heard voices again. It wasn't just Bella. Someone else was here. It startled Kat as she wrestled with the covers and went to the stairway. She couldn't quite possibly place him. Could she?
She kept staring. There was nothing she could really say to him. And then he saw her, too. No smiles exchanged. It was Bart, her ex-husband.
"What are you doing here?" She came down the stairs with a new energy. The last time they'd spoken, he was furious with her. She'd stolen the house. Plain and simple. But he wasn't like that now. Just Bart.
"I-I heard." He nodded.
She nodded. He was not suppose to breathe a word of it.
"I-I was talking to B, here." He looked at Bella with a little grin.
"What?" She stood there on the stairway wondering what was going on.
"I told her she needed to go home. I'll stay. I'll stay with you." He was calm. Kat had nothing to say to him. There was nothing left between them. Yet, she hadn't the energy to fight him. Funny, that was what had kept the marriage going. The yelling for the most part. She didn't want to yell at him. She went back up the stairs and shut the door behind her.