after the drama

Why was Gordy on her mind? Bella couldn't sleep. All she could dream about were the words he'd said when she'd left him. All the ugly words. Words she didn't even know he had in him.

Maybe it was burning bridges, but still it made tears sting her eyes and some how she was back where she started. She hardly had a voice at all. Maybe it would always be this way.

Yes, it was her decision to go their separate ways without Jane. It would have just been too hard, other wise. Of course, it was still hard. The guilt was there, but it usually subsided with Kal around. Because he was fun. He was going somewhere...well, at least there was a time she thought so, but everything was at a stand still now. No more parties. No more cool people to hang with.

Why was it she'd thought Gordy was beneath her. Her eyes watered more, the more she thought about it. By the looks of things with the trashed car of old fast food and dirty clothes, she was beneath him. He'd never let there be a melt down like this.

Kal was broke. And no end in sight.

"What was the plan again?" She tried to say but ended up scratching it on a scrap of paper for Kal to look over.

He laughed. "Something will come along. I just know it." But then he hadn't exactly applied anywhere. He'd been pretty much shut out by any place they'd gone to for him to perform.

It was different when he had his little brother and a band. They were good. They had plenty to do on the local scene. It might not have been L.A. or some major city sort of exposure. But people in Des Moines liked them. They always had a gig Omaha.

She wanted to tell him to get off his ass. He might have to actually get a job, doing something other than his music. She would to if they were going to stay in Austin. But then he couldn't decide. Maybe Dallas would be the better choice.

"No, we don't have the gas." She looked at his little beat up black Escort wagon. They just might have to sell it.

And with that he just gave her hug, and she knew what was going on in his head. Sex would always make everything a little bit better. She was ready for some new rules about sex being his answer to everything.

"You could get sick." She wanted to tell him she should catch a bus and leave him here, but there was nothing to go home too. She wasn't exactly welcomed there. As her father had put it, "You made your bed, now sleep in it." Only there was no place to sleep. Exactly. The car smelled. It needed to be cleaned out. But she was too tired to do anything.

What if she was pregnant, again?

At first she was avid about birth control, but then, the pills began to slip her mind, or if she did take them, she didn't feel like herself. And after while, she ran out and she hadn't gotten it filled. She'd neglected to discuss this with Kal since he had a lot on his mind with his music an being on the road. Everything began to stagnate, and here she was dragging.

Her energy was gone. She was homesick. She missed Jane more than she ever thought she would. And it was at night who she really remembered. It was Gordy.

He'd been her best friend and now it was over because she'd told him he was boring. It was that simple. Why did everything have to bore her in the end?

She felt as if she was sleep walking now down the University drag with all the cool shops and bistros. Of course, they couldn't go into any of those places. They had no money. But then Kal looked up at a place called, The New Light, and they were offering free soup.

"Maybe you could use some of that." He gave her a squeeze.

"Lets hope its more than ramen top noodles." She was in a daze.

"Even that sounds good to me." He told her. They went in hoping for a free meal.