Wednesday, August 13, 2008

forever

Bella took the whole back seat. No way would she let Kal sit in the back. He rode shot gun with her mother.

It was a motionless ride full of emotion. Bella found it hard to let go of Fish, but he seemed all right with it. As if he was good at giving in then giving up. She hadn't really expected it. He was suppose to be with her.

She suspected she'd never really know why. And she cried just on the inside about that. Of course, she demanded to stop every few miles just so she could walk about. It was a slow go. She'd get on her cell and leave Fish messages where he worked. Why in the hell hadn't he gotten a cell phone?

She knew Fish wanted her to hate him. To just let go. But really, she wanted him more the farther they drove. Bella couldn't look Kal in the eye. Really, he was so disgusting. How could this baby be actually his? She didn't want it to be his?

Bella found herself doing the math. How long had it been? Who was she really with? It was a long shot that it could have ever been Fish's. It was Kal's. It would always be Kal's baby.

What if she couldn't touch the baby? This was her greatest fear. It had been freaky with Jane. She hated the sight of a raw infant. It made her cringe, but while Jane was in the womb, Bella was perfectly content.

Why did it have to be so warped? Bella guessed her sister wasn't much better. Perhaps they were missing a gene. A gene that made you stable and whole. One that could fall in love with the right person instead of the wrong one. Is that the way it had worked with her mother? Was that why her Dad had left? That he knew. He finally knew after all this time.

Were they just users who didn't like the used once they'd lost their luster?

Bella thought so much while they were on the trip home. She'd decided. She wouldn't have the baby unless Fish came for her. She might be pregnant forever.

8 comments:

Liz said...

Poor Bella, she's always so sad, even more so without Fish...

Sydney Speel said...

i agree with liz..

bella :(

simon n josh said...

bella is warped being with child and all..hope she figures out she's being a little selfish and strange there..before it's too late. the baby will get here when it wants too.

taffy. said...

aww, bella.
she needs to find someone who can take care of her baby! hopefully her mind will change...

Karine said...

Yes,she might.

;)

I LOVE the way you write.
Sooo cool!

Kissesssssss

UmassSlytherin said...

I really love bella but I have to agree with ivy: she really needs to do some soul searching and do something about her anxiety. sadly, this is almost impossible to do when you are young, terrified, pregnant and in love.

But I hope she finds the strength to know that although it seems she is in deep sh** now, all is not lost. I hope she finds the strength to make it because there is something about her I really like.

autumn said...

why would the baby need to suffer? if she doesn't want the baby, she can give it to me. lol. i don't want yet to get preggy for the second time. but i can take care a baby. lol.

RASPBERRY said...

Aw, Cait, this was so beautiful!
Bella really needs Fish... oh damn.