in the bathroom

Were they alone now? Rachel had heard Rosco's voice. She certainly didn't want to see him. She didn't want anyone to see her. Actually. Not even Gordy.

She'd been crying. She wasn't even sure exactly why. It was everything. She supposed.

She couldn't change the past. None of it, but it clung on to her like something trying to suck the life out of her. The fact remained, she was pretty sure Gordy was thinking of Emily. Even right now. And that bothered Rachel the most.

"You can come out now," Gordy told her. "Scream at me as much as you want."

She wanted to hit him for even saying that. The last thing she needed were for the cops to be called in.

Rachel unlocked the door then.

"What?" Gordy peaked in then. "I have to come in here?"

She crawled into the bathtub to sit. He put down the commode lid and sat down. It smelled of Lysol and a gingerbread Glade candle. Rachel hadn't notice the toxic smell until now.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Will that help? I can't take it back. It happened. It just did and I don't think about it. I don't. I don't want Emily."

"OK, but it was probably the best you ever had and how could you ever think-"

"Rachel, you are so far from the truth. It was a sad time I'd rather forget. It freaked me out. And I never want to go back there again." He looked at her. Rachel pressed her lips together, avoiding eye contact.

"Why does she have to ruin everything?" Rachel crossed her arms and sulked a bit. "Its like every turn I take, she's there. And here I was thinking, oh, she needs a friend. She doesn't know how to be any-body's friend. I hate her. I honestly do."

"OK, so you think if she hadn't been with Andy, you'd still be with him? Is that it?" Gordy said.

"No. It would have been something else if it wasn't for her. I know that. I understand that. I mean, we might have had a terrible fight and I'd beat him up, but he'd still go to jail for it because he pushed me, and we might not even have Lucy anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Gordy winced wondering if it was really like that.

"I have friend, kind of, anyway, they lost their baby over a fight. She got him in jail. Then she went off with friends and left her baby home alone. Now the state has her baby." She pushed her hair behind her ear.

"You would have never done that," Gordy told her.

"My mom seems to think I would. Then she had to bring up that I'm still married to Andy. God, she makes me feel awful. Its like its her job, you know." Rachel looked up at Gordy then.

"I just want us to be happy," Gordy said. "And we are. You do make me happy, and I kind of get this idea I might make you happy too. So the rest of it can just be gone, you know. You move in here with me. We'll be happy. We will."

Rachel nodded then. She hoped she got the final papers on her divorce soon. Then it would be settled.