Sunday, April 19, 2009

ever so often

Fish didn't know if he could get out of this funk. Their funk. He guessed. It was as if this marriage thing had practically derailed and a wreck off the track.

He wasn't talking. And then Bella wasn't talking. Before he knew it, she wasn't even in the house. Of course, he wasn't exactly worried about where she went. His mind were on other things. The interview. He hated them.

Part of him wanted to lay around, trying to sleep, but that didn't even work.

He tried to watch TV. That didn't last long.

As he walked about the house, it finally came to him that maybe he couldn't get what ever it was he'd lost. Of course, it felt like a cold vague helpless thought trying to make him feel all the more indecisive about everything.

After while, he found himself sitting on the commode with the lid down, wishing he could claw his eyeballs out. Of course, that wouldn't do him much good.

"God, I need this damn job." He fretted. "What has she done to me!" He wasn't really yelling, but on the inside he was.

He thought about the first moment he saw Bella, there on the street barefooted. He wanted her. He did. But he'd walked away. He knew he didn't need to go down that road. Things weren't great, but he was OK with everything in his life. He had a job. Didn't have to have much. He really wasn't taking up that much space on the planet.

But he remembered that cold feeling when he got up to the top of his stairs, right after they'd met. He knew he'd regret it if he didn't do what ever it took to make her his. Thank God she was still there when he raced back down the steps. He'd never heard his heart pounding like that before as if now he had a purpose.

Now he felt selfish, thinking of her that way. But this was exactly what he said he'd do. What ever it took.

He looked at the black and white tiles on the clean floor. Was it possible? Had he ever made her happy or was that just an illusion?

"What are you doing?" Bella stepped into the bathroom then.

"Nothing." His voice was dull, and he thought he was losing energy fast.

"Look what I made," She took the pale hat off her head.

"Today?" Was that possible?

Bella nodded.

He held the soft cotton yarn hat in his hand examining the texture. The dark rose so homespun.

"Nice." He nodded and handed it back to her. "Where's Gib?"


"Maybe I need a nap too," Fish said as he stood up.

"You've had time for one of those, already." She informed him. And then she hugged his stiff body that was no way going to give. Not an ounce.

"You'll do fine." She whispered in his ear.

Fish just sighed, letting go piece by piece as she hugged him.

Bella put her hat by the sink then. She looked back at him, and then proceeded to jerk his T-shirt right over his head. She turned on the shower then and got undressed.

"No one's home but us," she told him. "Aren't we suppose to be doing something about that." She smiled and she kissed him, and it was what he wanted and didn't even know it.

Funny, as they kissed, it came to him that perhaps the truth was.... he was hers. Only he somehow turned the shower into a bath, the more they kissed and intertwined with one another. He got his way ever so often.


ellie said...

Its funny how things work out. The twist and turns..I liked that.

diane said...

Cait, you really are a genius. I am always a bit surprised and delighted with your writing. I think Bella could make hats and sell them to a boutique for some extra cash; or maybe on e-bay.
I'm glad for Bella and Fish; I think meeting that elderly woman was really good for both of them.

Going around the island on bicycles today. Then off to see a play - The Secret Garden.

Cait said...

Its good to hear from you diane. Thank you so much for reading. I bet you'll have fun today. Sounds like a great play to go too.

Thanks Ellie.

the oaks said...

I'm glad they could mend this.