Thursday, April 16, 2009

in the nature of things

Why did he even have to bring that up? The kiss. Kat was certain it wasn't enough to initiate anything. After all, it was more of a slight thing. Freakish, even. Nothing like it could have been. Where one just can't get enough of each other and you go straight to bed and let everything take a course of its own.

That hadn't happened.

But then she found herself smiling at him. What was she doing?

OK, a part of her wanted to give him a list. But it was too long to even remember. She had waited until she was all of 17 before she was with anyone. Actually, her 18th birthday. Someone had told her once that she should wait on her own adventures in love and sex and all that sort of thing. She was after all, always someone who didn't look quite her age. But then it hit her a few weeks before she was 18 that it was time to do something. Everyone was having fun but her. It was time to not be the one left out, who looked at all her friends who were sleeping around. Some with other girlfriends' boyfriends. Some who wouldn't dare lay eyes on a high school boy. If they wanted men, try one at a bar in their forties or so. That had just left a bad taste in her mouth with the thought of that. Especially, when she found out her best friend was with some confirmed bachelor, old enough to be her father. So Kat had decided she'd just lay one on the nerdy fellow she spent so much time with after school with the school paper. He came up with most of the stories. She typed them. Naturally, he'd say something to the effect. "OK, we need a Kat story, just make something up." And she did. It was a team effort. No one else could put this baby, the school paper, to bed like they could. After all, he was witty, and she thought she'd learned a thing or two in writing from him. And though his pale blue eyes hid behind the thickest glasses, he did have awesome lips.

It was a sad thought in her head now. Too bad he had to be so religious and go to New York and write for the Watch Tower publication. Soon after that she did have a boyfriend, and it was more sex than anything else. Which turned in to something more abusive than she thought possible. It slipped up on her without knowing. Always bruised up. But she could take it. And then came college and it had been amazing. Well, sort of. She might not have had perfect grades. And it didn't help that she had to pick somebody up from a bar or a poker game at two in the morning. But the sex was good. She worked around it. And truly, she always felt she could be just as calloused as any of the guys she was with. She promised herself she'd never get hurt.

And yet she had her weakness. Someone she never knew the last name of, and she only knew him by the nickname, Trip. Their little fling was muddled in their somewhere. She didn't even want to know what he looked like now. Too bad he had to have such a low self esteem for a black guy who was actually rather pale with beautiful green eyes. She might be with him right now. But that hadn't happened.

So here she was looking at Parker, hoping he'd never see her as fragile nor broken. But couldn't he have wanted someone fresh? To learn things with. To be a part of. To start a family with.

"You don't know what you're getting in to." She winced, shaking her head, deciding she better eat this ice cream treat since he wasn't.

"That's the best thing about it." He smiled as if this might be an adventure.

It might not have been the right answer, but it would do. She guessed.

3 comments:

Ivyoaks said...

Kat's past is interesting. Kind of sad, too.

ellie said...

Yeah, I do wonder how she'll handle this, actually.

miriam said...

i wonder too what she'll end up deciding..