Sunday, April 26, 2009

not suppose to be

"You know where she gets that mouth of hers', don't you?" Kat had to say it as soon as Gordy left with Jane. "Its that Rachel, he's living with."

"Mom, she's just a little girl," Emily said in Jane's defense. "She says what ever she feels like saying. She calls Archie my dirty boy all because she saw a commercial for some shampoo. I think she meant it as a compliment."

"That's not what I mean." Kat's eyes lit. She certainly didn't want to bring Parker into this. "Its how she spoke to Bella. I can see Janey has to give in every little thing to ..to Lucy's. She's calling her..her little sister now. How could you let that happen B?"

"Well, I think its kind of sweet that she feels Lucy is that important to her, you know." Bella looked at Kat with big eyes as if she didn't have a real answer for her. "Maybe if-if I'd been that way with Emily we'd be closer. I think."

"Whatever. You just can't let Jane run all over you, though. You can't." Kat fussed a bit more, wishing no one would speak of Parker. They weren't suppose to know. And now her grand-daughter was calling Parker her dirty boy.

Shit.

She got to her room and shut the door behind her. She slipped out of her school clothes and got into her lounge pants and favorite sweater. She promised herself it was just a one shot deal with him while they were away, and then he sleeps over because... because. Was that really a good reason? Honestly? She didn't know. What did he see in her, anyway?

Maybe she wanted to get to know him better.

She tried to look herself in the mirror, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes. And thought of Parker. Peculiar thing was, she thought of her ex-husband when she was with Parker. Comparing, where it all fell in the life of things. Parker was the way she wanted to remember her ex. Not how he was now. Not how it was always her fault when it didn't work out to his liking. How he'd been in a mood.

She didn't want to think about it. The aches and pains, afterwards. It wasn't that her ex-husband was trying to hurt her. It was just the shifting of his weight. He was not the man she married. Once, he said he wasn't in the mood right in the middle of intercourse. "Just get off me." She'd suggested a doctor.

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" It was a question she didn't have an answer too. But he was gaining weight. Breathing hard. She just wanted him to take care of himself and to her ex-husband that was nagging and, and why did she have to think about him now?

She didn't want to compare Parker to her ex-husband. He was definitely not him. Most definitely. Kat let out a sigh then. Thinking, just kissing Parker had been awkward. But it really fell into place because he really wanted to know her skin, her lips. And when he smiled. She smiled. It was a pleasant surprise. Just this little something. Wouldn't that be enough? It was suppose to be enough. Only it wasn't. And she swore she didn't want to see him again, but she did, and it was easily just a mess. But a fun mess.

4 comments:

elliestories said...

Woo..that could be complicated. But I like their Mom's attitude.

diane said...

Kat has a lot of baggage. When you have kids with someone, they remain "family", even after divorce. I think it would be nice if her daughters put together a collage of older women with younger men, like Demi & Ashton. She's got to stop denying herself the happiness she deserves.

As for Jane, sometimes a "sister" is not related by blood. It's really good that her mother realizes that, and supports her feelings for Lucy.

Cait said...

Darn..I keep getting kicked off from your site..and I want to tell you I love the picture you posted today. Really sweet.

Thanks so much for the comment. Yeah, there is beggage. & it is sweet if you can find that friendship early on with someone to perhaps nurture your journey through life. Of course, most of my childhood friends were well, a bit on the selfish side. & sometimes, they did feel forced to my mother's coaxing. And then there were those friends that you got to know and saw they had such different families than mine.

Thanks again.

simon n josh said...

It sounds complicated...but it just might happen, anyway.