Sunday, December 7, 2008

against the wall

Bella felt useless... other than being the human pacifier lately when it came to Gibson. Of course, Emily hadn't helped by her nagging about not seeing Jane enough. Could it get anymore miserable?

Had she left the house on her own yet with just Gibson? It was getting to her. How could she explain this to her mother? Had she ever felt like this? Was she just being a pain in Fish's side? It felt like the food chain effect to her, and she was at the bottom.

Of course, it all started with her mother. Fish just wasn't doing enough. He could be doing more. She hated listening to her mother talk about him all the time when he wasn't there. Then Bella had to insist on Fish working. More. And if that wasn't enough, she got a daily earful from her mother about Kal as well. "What's he been doing for you, lately?"

It felt foolish having to depend on to guys who were hardly trained to do anything more than play video games. What was she thinking? Bella knew her mother was thinking this. What had she thought was the better solution? There were so many things Bella had failed at. And now she had to escape. She'd take Gibson to Walgreen's.

Maybe she'd do some Christmas shopping. Of course, she only had about ten bucks in her pocket, but never the less she bundled them up, got in her Mom's car and drove away in the snow and cold to Walgreen's.

She hadn't been there in a very long time. It was when she got there that she thought of Gordy. She hadn't meant to go there because of him. Maybe he didn't work there anymore. It wasn't like he called her up everyday to tell him what he was doing. It was her job to call Jane which she neglected to do. But here she was at Walgreen's not sure why as she looked blankly around and saw him there behind the pharmacy counter.

"What are you doing there? Aren't you a cashier?" She looked at him blankly carrying Gibson along in the heavy car seat.

"Yeah, but I'm back here now." He didn't acknowledge he was getting better pay. "I'm studying to be a pharmacist, remember?"

That sounded so good to her, but she forgot he'd said.

"Now I know why I came by," she smiled as if she was trying her best to be OK with everything. "I want you to bring Jane by this weekend so we can go and buy you a Christmas present."

"Really, you don't have too," Gordy shrugged behind the counter. He really didn't have a minute to spare, but she was insistent as always.

"What do you mean? You weren't going to get me anything for Christmas?" She winced as if how could he forget the importance of gift gifting.

"No, no, we'll definitely get you something," Gordy looked as if he were caught off guard. "Its just, really, you don't have to buy me anything. I don't want anything from you." He turned from her then.

Her heart instantly ached. Bella could sense her milk ready to pour buckets, perhaps. She started to cry. This was so not fair, she thought. How could he not want anything from her? Was she that awful?

He came out from the pharmacy and handed her a foiled wrapped chocolate mint patty.

"Can you eat that?" He offered.

She took it and stared at the fancy candy.

"I just figured you'd have so much to do and everything, why bother? Look, I'll bring Jane over this weekend, if you want. Make cookies or something. Just spend some time with her. That's all I really need." He nodded.

She didn't believe him though.

"You think you can make it home, now?"

She just shrugged.

"Well, let me see if I can take a break and get you home," he put his arm around her, and she thought she might cave, but she managed to clear her tears a little, but she thought it would happen all over again if she thought about him not wanting anything from her for Christmas.


Psyconym said...

My education is on the rocks because I can't fund it either. I finished my first degree, but probably can't do a second for another two years. Something had to go into a box, and I suppose that was getting married. Its not easy makign that kind of decision because by the time I think I am ready for married, everyone I might have potentially married might have married someone else etc. But I am fortunate in that I have the luxury of choice. The state funded my first degree, thought want the money back, with interest.

Another reason I have to get this career thing sorted as me Mum and Dad are a little above church mice, at the very beginning we were church mice, but we are better off now than then. Dad was demoted so we are back to someway poor and some way not poor.

Whats the guy like? What do you plan for the wedding?

deep_in_vogue said...

it's awful that education's so expensive..

Cate said...

Arh, Bella... She's being a bitch sometimes, but she surely isn't just a pain in Fish's side. That's just what it's like in early parenthood, you haven't got time for anything else.
Bella and her mother... The important thing, after all, is if you love the guy you're with. And that's the basis, they'll find a way.
I had to smile when Bella asked Gordy if he wasn't going to give her anything for Christmas.
You know what I mentioned in the last comment, about how every scene with Gordy and one of his ex-girlfriends makes me wish they were together again? Well, there you go. Last chapter it was Gordy and Serena, now it's Gordy and Bella ;-)

dapper kid said...

Awww this was sweet, it's odd how the holidays seem to have a way of highlighting problems

Ivy said...

I feel bad for both of them. I know its an emotional time for Bella.