it could be worse

What if it was just psycho-semantic? Did Bella even know the definition to the word?

So, she got the flu shot. And it wasn't that bad. A little twinge in the arm. Still. She felt she had a slight cold so suddenly too. It was so aggravating. Actually, it was just making her nervous. The only person she knew to call was Gordy.

"Are you sure you should have gotten the flu shot?" Gordy sounded so indifferent. Making her out to be in the wrong on this.

"Well, I was told I should." Now he was scaring her. "Did Rachel get one?"

"No. She hates shots." Gordy told her.

"Well, I got one." She felt like a doofus of some kind. It was as if she'd intentionally poisoned herself some how. "What if something it wrong with me? Or the baby?" She winced. A horror film was unfolding in her head. "God, I feel so bad about this. I really should have got on antidepressants, shouldn't I've? After I had Gib." She was in tears.

"Don't talk like that." Gordy told her as if he'd have to help her out of this, somehow. "You're strong. You really are. Think how you got through the last pregnancy. You were tough, you know. Taking those insulin shots like that. I really think you're a lot stronger than you think. You'll be OK."

"Really?" She sniffed. It was making her cold feel worse. Her eyes were already red with pink eye. But she sat down on the couch and watched Gib at her feet play around the coffee table. Naturally, he climbed on top of it.

"Well, you had so much fun, sort of, I guess, when you first found out your were pregnant with Jane." He remembered. So did she. God, she'd wanted sex all the time. She swore she could remember the moment Jane was conceived. It was her first orgasm. Up until then she thought it might be her. Maybe it would never happen. Possibly, she was too tense and didn't even know how to have a good time. They'd gone to a party but somehow got lost on the way back and ended up on some hill by the lake. They'd sat out looking at the stars for the longest time, but finally went back in the car in the back seat. And they'd had so much fun kissing. It had been cozy, and she thought she knew him, his body, his moves. And it turned her on somehow when she knew by that smile of his that he was turned on too. Really, she didn't know why it had been different that time. Maybe it was because he wasn't asking her questions, and she could listen to the night. He was on top. The moonlight coming in and she smiled in the prefect stillness. She kept her eyes closed. And she was happy, until she opened her eyes and saw someone's hand reaching in the dark and she screamed.

It made her shutter now. But right before the hand. it had happened. The first time. But he didn't believe her about that nor the hand. None of it. Bella felt a little sad about it now when she thought of it. There was only Jane now as a reminder, and it was something she'd never tell her.